Where to begin…

It’s been since June since I last posted. In July we visited another fertility center for a second opinion and decided to go with them. It’s funny how different two places can be. Some are good differences and others are frustrating. After seeing how my body is a non-responder to even the maximum amount of meds, my new doctor suggested that we do minimal meds. Research is showing that this works well for us old ladies (I’m 41). You don’t get many eggs, but you will respond. I don’t know how, but it worked.

I had an IUI in October, just a shot in the dark (pun intended) but it didn’t work. I wasn’t too heartbroken; we have been doing IVF and this was just a random experiment without having to go through anesthesia.

We got ONE egg retrieved in December from two decent follicles. It matured, grew, fertilized, and was transferred as a grade AA. Three days before Christmas we had the blood test to confirm we were in fact pregnant. *glow*

I had no physical symptoms, and this freaked me out. My anxiety was high, I was super-cautious since we had an IVF loss last March. Hopeful, yes. But skeptical. Yet every appointment went well. At 7 weeks they measured the heartbeat and it was strong, the right number. And the size was on target. Then I made it to the 8-week appointment, the one where I learned last time there was no heartbeat. But there it was! The doctor didn’t measure the heartbeat; apparently there is research to suggest that probing the fetus too much can cause damage. I left that appointment yearning for data but knowing I had to wait. We were released to my OB/GYN and I had that appointment this morning.

I am 9 weeks and 3 days. I made it over the 8-week hump. I made it through the dangerous 6-8 week typical time of a miscarriage. I had little worries going into this appointment.

At the start of the sonogram, the doctor was called in. No heartbeat. It went from strong and steady last week to nothing at all today. Measured at 8 weeks and 2 days. Fortunately they were able to schedule the D&C for tomorrow instead of waiting a whole week like last year.

My brain is still in a fog. I haven’t processed this loss. I hate that I told some people I was pregnant.